Restless.

I think we were born into restlessness. As I have gotten older it has become painfully apparent to me that we were not meant for this broken world. Our souls were built for so much more life than what is offered here on earth. And because of it, we are always striving, always challenging, and always in a state of restlessness.

Or at least I am. I had the opportunity to visit some of my beautiful friends from NYC this past week, and I was reminded of how alive I am really capable of being. It was so good for my heart to experience joy and laughter and real, genuine love through my time with them. They bring out the very best version of Sarah there is, and I always leave feeling extra privileged to be a part of their lives.

But this time, I also left with a deep sense of restlessness. And you know, I think much of this stems from a fear of losing control. I want the things that I want when I want them. I want to know that God cares about my happiness, that He is going to deliver the things that I have neatly written out on a list of life expectations for the coming years. And until I receive them, I feel restless.

Or so I think. But really, the truth is--I can be satisfied and fully rested in the here and now.

One of my friends put it so simply when he said "you will never come second by putting God first." And you know what, I think he is right. The fact of the matter is, the Lord created us restless so that we would find real rest within Him. I know it's a typical Christian idea that only Jesus can satisfy, and that I am just another person writing another blog about what is really the whole meaning of the gospel. But here's the thing--so many people write about it because it is really, really true.

I could spend a whole lot of time complaining about my life. I could also spend alot of time planning out my future, fighting and pushing and running really hard after the dreams that I must have. I have already spent many nights in fear of a hopeless future--a terrifying world where I live alone with cats and work as a secretary in a dark office in the most remote part of suburbia.

And so then I feed into the restlessness. I work hard to avoid any possible requests that God may make of me--any challenges that may make me uncomfortable or force me to give up the things I really want.

Here's the thing--God is for us. Did you know that? He loves us. He ultimately wants us to be satisfied and most of all, He wants us to take our restlessness and rest our hopes in Him. I have spent so much time looking for the place where I belong. It is tempting to think that if only this or that were to happen or if I were different or had another job life would be better.

The incredible thing is, we can take our restlessness to Christ and He uses it. He directs us, fulfills us and leads us to the very places we never thought we would be. He does this not because He's vindictive or wants us to suffer, but because He knows there is no greater peace and joy that can be experienced except that which is found in Him.

I don't want to miss out on my life anymore by being restless. I want to be very still, to listen to what God has to say to me about myself and my day-to-day experiences. He can do so much if only I let Him. And that is the tricky part--we have to let him. We can not accept His blessings if we do not learn to let go of our ultimately unfullilling ideals of happiness.

Mostly, I think we want easy satisfaction. We want to be gratified now, and we would rather settle for less love than more. And when we are restless and then run after those things which are short-lived and small glimpses of true life, that's exactly what we are doing. We are rejecting the life which Christ lovingly gave us, we are settling for half of what has already been made available to us on the cross.

So, be restless in the best possible way--run after Him who made you, knows you and wants to see His glory displayed wherever you may be.

You won't regret it.