magic and privileged spaces.

I like to observe people. Many refer to this activity as people watching, but for me it's deeper than that. I think what I like most about seeing people interact (or not interact) is the effect that one person can have on so many. I'm always struck by those individuals who seem to light up a room, who can make everyone around them feel special in one way or another--who know how to engage in an almost magical way. I say magic because honestly it can look like a spell is being cast on the crowd. Whatever this person is made of is unique and specific to him or her, but almost always people remember the way that person made them feel.

What I like most about connectors (that's what I call them) is that they don't have to be loud or gregarious or quintessentially cool. The thing that draws others to them is that they are completely themselves. People aren't always used to that I don't think--this ability to let social norms go and just be comfortable despite how those around you are conforming. It's particularly hard to do when an environment is toxic or not conducive to growth. To stand up and stand out when so much is trying to tear you down is no easy feat, but I've seen people do it so beautifully.

I think that sometimes we believe we don't have the ability to enact change unless we are in a position of power, but this is simply not true. One of my absolute favorite people in the world is an employee of the Greyhound bus services. Every time I head home, he is checking the tickets and luggage of the typical, weary New York  traveler. We are not a always pleasant bunch, worn and rugged from the constant bustle of the city and tending towards a healthy dose of cynicism. But this guy--he is relentlessly positive. He is not particularly noticeable at first, there's nothing necessarily striking in his features. He is quiet, very humble in his presentation and incredibly polite. But here's the thing--he notices everyone. I mean this guy takes the time out to talk to every single passenger, even if it's just for a moment, even if it's just a simple hello. He genuinely cares about the people he is encountering and the people can feel it. For me, he has become the comfort in going home, sending me off with a warm smile and caring hand. He doesn't know my name and I don't know his, but I can honestly say I have been changed by knowing him.

When you get to experience this type of person in this type of place, it is a little oasis in the difficult terrain that is everyday life. I call these people and these places privileged spaces. In counseling we refer to the relationship between the client and therapist as privileged and confidential, meaning that the client is coming into a space in which she can feel completely free to be herself--no judgment, no fear of condemnation, and no relational danger. The space is safe, and because of this, the client has room to heal.

I think that when people have the ability to make other people feel safe and warm and welcome, they are creating an every day privileged space. For just a moment they are letting others know that it's OK to come as they are, it's OK to be where they're at. They are changing the nature of the environment completely, changing the terrain.

Here's the thing--connection is a team sport, but it's made up of many players, and we've all seen how one player can change the game. In the smallest way, in the tiniest moment, the game can be won.

I want to be a game changer.

I want to be a connector.

I want my life to reflect the sacred ground of the privileged spaces.

Because life can be cruel and rocky and full of pitfalls.

And we are not alone.

We have people around us, whether we like it or not.

We hold the magic.

So, are you using it?

Are you sharing it?

Are you taking the time to reflect the good inside of you despite what terrain you are in?

I'm trying, person by person.

It doesn't take much.

Be thoughtful.

Be purposeful.

And most importantly, be yourself.

Look for the privileged spaces.

Thank those who have gone before you,

and then live it out yourself.