Have the courage to be OK.

How did I get to be so blessed in this life?

There are these friends I have from this camp I worked at--I call them family. We are a diverse, crazy group of individuals that only God himself could have possibly placed together. We come from different  everything. Different backgrounds, different states, different ethnicities and completely different cultures. Who would have thought that a White girl from small town suburbia and a Puerto Rican from the Bronx could ever be friends, much less familia?

This is just one example of the many awesomely inspiring relationships that I have had the privilege of experiencing first hand.

You see if I had to sum up what my friends from camp--my family--have taught me in the five years of knowing them, it's that I am loved exactly as I am. I am accepted, I am celebrated, and I am genuinely and whole-heartedly loved. Do you know what that feels like? To be surrounded by people who graciously and openly welcome your successes, your heartbreaks and even your failures into their lives? Who take you by the hand or hold you by the heart and remind you of who you are when you feel like you can't even begin to be yourself again?

It feels like heaven. It feels like God knows your heart and put those people there to show his infinite love and care for you. Not "people" in general or the stranger next to you in church. You, the individual, unique and broken as you are. He knows.

I think for me, he knows that what I needed most of all was courage.

You see, my family has courage with a capitol C in the front. It is what shapes their days--it shows up in the way they serve the people around them, in the way they view themselves, and most of all in the way they love me. They have all faced their share of challenges and some pretty dark tunnels. They have wrestled with the hard things and struggled through their doubts. There are seasons they are not so proud of, but I can find many more reasons to be proud of them. They have shown me what it means to courageously step out into the world with big expectations and even bigger dreams.


And you know what? Courage isn't always what it looks like in the movies. Sometimes it is quiet--even unseen. It can be in the decision to take a tricky job or a leap of faith on something that isn't exactly guaranteed. But best of all, I think I see it in their courage to be OK. They look at themselves, at the people around them and at me and say, "you are OK." Not, "you need to try harder" or "you could have done better" but , "YOU ARE OK."

I don't mean OK in the sense of mediocre or barely acceptable. I mean it in the all encompassing, grace inducing love filled acceptance of the person exactly as they are. When I am freaking out or insecure or positive they think I am a total failure, they look right past my crazy, grab hold of my hand and say, "YOU ARE OK." I love you, and I'm not going anywhere.

Courage. They have it--and little by little they are instilling it in me.


 So family--know that I am so incredibly thankful for every hour you have spent telling me that my crafts are the best thing the Hobby House has or ever will see. Thank you for assuring me that though I may have fifty emotional break-downs in front of you, you do not get tired of hearing me talk (though I know that sometimes you do...we've all been there). For letting me make mistakes and waiting patiently for me to grow into the person I was made to be.

And in the meantime, thanks for giving me the courage to be OK.